There are days in your life you will never forget. July 10, 2000, I started dating my Bradley. April 30, 2003, Bradley asked me to be his wife. September 20, 2003, We said "I Do" and began our life together. November 22, 2005, my Barrett was born. June 23, 2009, we were blessed with Abram. The list goes on. There are too many important dates in between these to mention. The day in my life that stands out the most ... December 11, 2009, my dad was killed. Six months ago today, December 15, 2009, we held services to celebrate his life, mourn his death, and begin our healing process. We started to pick up the pieces and adjust to the "new normal". We witnessed that the rest of the world went on undisturbed even though our worlds and life as we knew it had been turned upside down and broken apart.
It is amazing how differently I look at the world now. I have chosen to see the good in people. I have found strength in my faith I never knew existed. I have learned I can feel alone in a room full of people. I live thankful for each day I am blessed to spend with my family, my husband, my sons, and my friends. I have also come to terms with the fact at some point we will all die, ready or not. I am ready, no longer scared of what it will be like, but comforted in the fact that when it is my time to go, God will call me up. Whether I am doing something important or something ridiculous. At some point I will sit face to face with Shad Stephens. I will look him in the eye and tell him I whole heartedly forgive him. He did not mean to kill my dad. He made a series of poor decisions that led him to where we are now. I hope he is remorseful, I hope he regrets his actions, but most of all I hope he has found God's grace and he sees this as an opportunity to turn his life around.
I wish no one had to experience this part of life. I am not sad for my dad. He is dancing in heaven, asthma free, pain free and care free. My grief is totally selfish because we were left behind to miss him. My prayer for you is when you are in this sad, lonely place you are strong in your faith and you cling to God with all your might. As lonely as it feels, we are never alone.
Jesus loves you! =)
