So, December 11, we meet again...

      
      Today started out like the last few December 11ths have for me. Laying awake at an unreasonable hour (2:30am), knots in my stomach, knowing each minute will hold a new emotion for me. Today seemed extra nerve-racking as I had no idea how lunch would go. My mom, sister and I had lunch with Luann, Shad's mother. I just kept thinking, "What will I say to her?", "Will this be awkward?", "What if I can't keep it together and I am a crying mess??" I was pleasantly surprised. Luann is a very sweet and kind lady. She was so normal. I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but in my mind it wasn't as easy as the actual lunch was. I shared the day with my mom and sister, shopping, remembering, and most importantly laughing. :)  

      As I sit here, 9:45 is approaching. Each new minute brings another memory of being there, wondering, knowing something was bad wrong. Hearing the surgeon say "It will be a miracle", then praying with everything I had that a miracle was God's plan... Walking back to the Specials lab with my mom so she didn't go alone. Listening, timing heart beats, watching the nurse take the "crash cart", hearing them call as they pushed amps of epi. Sitting on the cold floor and knowing a miracle for my dad wasn't in the works. The miracle was for Shad. I didn't know it that night, but the miracle was not that my dad would be saved. It was that the realization of Shad's mistake had forever changed not only our lives, but his as well. That night, had you asked me what I thought of him, I would not have had nice things today. But as I sit here tonight, 3 years later, I have to say he is doing what is right. He is working, he is sorry, and he knows our forgiveness. He writes my mom often and he prays for us. I hope he knows we also pray for him. We will never forget, but we have forgiven. 

      Sunday was 2 years since Shad sat alone in a court room and faced a room full of hurt, crying people. I can't imagine how he felt knowing we were all there because of what he had done. I will never forget the feeling I had as I read these words to him...

"A mistake, by definition, is to blunder in the choice of. All people make mistakes. Some mistakes are small and may even go unnoticed. Other mistakes are noticed by many. In this case, you made a mistake, a poor decision, a short sighted choice. Unfortunately your mistake effected many, many people. Not only is my family hurting, but so is yours. You have changed our lives forever. I can only pray your life is changed forever too. I hope you change your path, turn your life around and become the very best version of Shad there is.

Looking back at the last 362 days it all seems like a dream. A very bad dream. It has all passed so slowly, yet it seems to have flown by. All the days have one thing in common, they are missing my dad. He was a good man. He had a good heart and more love than you could even begin to imagine for his grandsons. I would give ANYTHING to have a dad hug, to hear his voice, to see his smile, or giggle at whatever silly accent he was talking to us in. He once told me the silliest thing and it made me laugh for at least 30 minutes. Still to this day it brings a smile to my face. My sons will not remember that man. They will never know silly ol' Papa. There are some things mothers do not want to and should not have to do. Sitting in the floor holding your crying 4 year old and trying to explain he can't go see his Papa is one of those things. But I had to do it. I answer questions about heaven, Jesus and why we can't just go for a visit. I don't feel like he should have to as these questions.

After a roller coaster of emotions, tears, anger, countless prayers and a few hundred miles on my treadmill, I have peace. I will always live with a sad place in my heart missing my dad, but I will be okay. My dad has missed huge milestones in my life over the last year. Luckily I had him for my wedding, both of my boys births, and 28 years. My siblings are not able to say that.

I hope you are remorseful, prayerful and ready to change. I pray for you and your family. I began praying for you on Saturday, December 12, 2009, and I will continue until I die. I hope you find hope, healing, and Jesus. I also hope you think of us everyday!

"For if you forgive men their trespasses your heavenly father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses neither will your father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

I forgive you. Not only because it is what I should do as a christian, but because I am sure you never set out to kill anyone.

Thanks"

I made it through the whole thing, only crying a time or two. Saying my words aloud to his face and seeing his reaction was amazing. I only wish I knew what he had to say back.

Some things just stick...

I don't know if you guys know how much I love my momma but, I LOVE MY MOMMA:) ... a lot. There are things my mom has told me all my life, those are the things that stick. We always heard I love you, stranger danger, don't kiss any boys, don't have sex, and be safe. On those mornings you woke up grouchy she would kindly remind you that you choose how your day is going to go. You can choose to perk up, be happy, and make the best of it OR you can choose to be grouchy, grumpy, and have a bad day. You make the call.  This summer as we have moved and cleaned and painted and worked our "vacation" away I have several times heard my moms words of wisdom reminding me of what I needed to hear.

As I have grown older, I am slowly turning into her. Hahahahaha!! I frequently give my kids some of those reminders. This morning, Abram was exceptionally grouchy as I dropped him off at daycare. This is day 3 at his "new school" and, he isn't particularly a fan yet. As I dropped him off kicking, screaming, and clinging to me I tried to keep my cool. (I HATE dropping him off crying!!!) The momma, or goola, came out in me and I hugged him tight and said "Put a smile on your face and a song in your heart. It will be okay. I love you" kissed him on the head, pried him off of me, and took off before he made me cry about leaving him... As I was in my emotional rush, I heard his daycare lady say "What a sweet saying". This afternoon as I went to pick him up across the bottom of the page said "Put a Smile on Your Face and a Song in Your Heart" It just made me think, even though you don't do it on purpose you have an effect on everyone around you. You may not know it, but you do. :) Are you a positive influence?? Just something to think about...

P.S. In case you didn't get this... I LOVE MY MOMMA! <3 p="p">

Just a Rant...

Holy Moly! =/ Here it is 10am and I am on a rampage so frustrated! Since our little move down the highway things have been grand! My dear in-laws were so kind and let us stay with them until we got the house ready to move in. We got the house move in ready and got moved and we are happily occupying our new casa and loving it! :) Sure, we have run into a few small bumps in the road.  That is to be expected, its called life. That being said there is no need to be mean to people. I am usually VERY easy to get along with. I was raised to be kind to everyone, be forgiving, and be understanding. I try and approach every situation with a smile. If I going into something with out a good attitude I can hear my sweet momma saying "Kellye, put a smile on your face and a song in your heart".

So here's the rant... Our mail is not being delivered because our mailbox is not at the curb. The mail box is in the front yard mounted on the fence dividing our yard and the neighbors, but it is near the house. Our mail service was suspended BEFORE we submitted a change of address. I have not once received mail at the new house that belongs to ME. I do however occasionally get mail to previous occupants (who haven't lived here in more than 15 years AND the mail man walks through my yard to deliver the neighbors mail on his porch). I have spoken to our postmaster about the issue and I was met with snarky remarks about "We won't give you special treatment". I then kindly said I would have to bring 2 kids into the post office to get my mail everyday. I got "Sorry, get the mail box moved and we will deliver the mail".

**Sidenote**Bradley and I are going to be pouring a cement pad in the front yard (knocking out the curb and making an additional parking area) for his work truck. We are working out the specifics of that little project with the city as we are still trying to get settled and prepared for school to begin and he is commuting 3 hours a day. If we move the mailbox right now it will have to be moved again in just a few weeks, so I have been happily picking up our mail each day knowing the issue would be resolved soon. This information seemed to be a waste of my breath at the post office because it was met with an annoyed stare.

Today I went in and picked up our mail and received a notice from the postmaster stating if the mailbox is not moved by August 17th my mail will be returned to sender as undeliverable. Upon further investigation with USPS Customer Affairs this is a common practice and is totally acceptable. WAIT A DARN MINUTE! How many US post offices were closed recently?? You mean to tell me that a business that is slowly going under due to online banking/billing and email is going to give up customer service?! I am astounded. If we wish to continue to receive mail we must go PAY the USPS to get a P.O. box until our mailbox is moved and deemed appropriate by the postmaster.

Thanks for listening/reading my rant and if you feel the need to send me anything via "snail mail" please use UPS or FedEx, as they both deliver to my door step in a timely and complaint free manner. :)

Much Love,
K

two years ...

December 11, 2009


I sat at this very moment in my living room with my friend Larissa and her brother.  They had come over to pick up some clothes Abram had out grown. It was really cold outside and I didn't feel like cooking.  My in-laws were on their way into town to help us fix up the laundry/mud room. Just after Rissa and Lee left I called Bradley to let him know I had called in WingStop and see if he would pick it up on his way home. All was well. Barrett, Abram, and I were playing in the living room floor, waiting for Bradley to come home with dinner.  At 5:50 my phone rang, it was the call that changed everything. My mom was on the phone and she was upset.  All she could say was your dad has been hit by a truck.  I don't know how bad it is, just meet me at the hospital. I could hardly breathe. I calmly told her it would be okay and I would meet her there as soon as possible. I hung up and got shoes on while I called Bradley to let him know he needed to get here as soon as he could. These moments are forever burned in my mind.  Barrett's sweet face asking me why I was crying. Wanting to know what was going on.  I told him Papa was hurt, but we didn't know how bad and I had to leave for the hospital.  Barrett, who was just learning the responsibilities of being a big brother said, "But Mom, when you leave who will change Abram's diapers?! I can't do that by myself yet!" I reassured him his daddy would be there with him. I passed Bradley in the doorway and rushed off. I called my best friends to let them know we really, really needed prayers. We did not know what hospital they were taking him to, so my first stop was BSA. He wasn't there. I hurried next door to NorthWest. The ambulance had just arrived, they didn't have a name or any information. I told them what I could, until my mom arrived. Shortly there after Matt and Andrew showed up. My stomach was in knots. We had asked to see him and we kept getting "They are cleaning him up, it will be a little while." As soon as the triage nurse offered us a "family room" I knew. Things were not going well. We were trying frantically to get a hold of my sister. Finally she made it to the hospital. As the hours passed, we had several visits from the police officers, updating us on suspects and information. A surgeon came in and told us they were doing everything they could "but it would be a miracle if he made it through the night". They took us upstairs to a waiting area outside the Special Procedures lab where they were working on my dad. I went back with my mom and we could see him on the table lying there with TONS of people around him. One face looked up, and it was my childhood friend, Tiffany.  I was so happy to see someone I knew, someone that would take care of him as if he were her own dad. My mom and I prayed and prayed in that hallway.  I sat in the floor listening to them call out as they pushed Epinephrine, timing the minutes until they could push another dose, listening to the heart monitor beep s.l.o.w.l.y., then stop, then beat again, then stop. I knew too much, I was timing everything. Then the nurse came out and said, they had done all they could... those words felt like a knife. They literally took my breath away. He couldn't really be gone. He was the "big-bad-dad". He was the toughest guy I knew. As my mother talked with the doctors and nurses I walked toward the waiting area where the rest of our family was. I will never forget a second of that day, the look on my brothers face after he looked at mine. Watching him angry and sad fall to the floor. Knowing there was nothing I could do. The last time I saw my dad, he lay on that table, bruised and battered. I kissed him on top of the head, like he had done to me so many times before. Until we meet again, we miss you Nelson Ray Bridges, II. 

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

[2x]
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

There. I said it.

I do not know where to begin. This morning I woke up to my sweet 5 year old throwing up at 5:30. "Today is the big day, he can't be sick", I thought to myself as I went to check on him. We got him all fixed up with some cartoons, water, and phenergan, and I began to make a plan. My fabulous mother-in-law just happened to be in town and saved the day! (She is pretty darn good at that.) :) I proceeded to get ready. Knots in my stomach. How will I react? What will I say? Can I even do this? My mind was racing. But I did it. I read the following statement to, Shad Stephens, the driver of the vehicle that killed my dad.

"A mistake, by definition, is to blunder in the choice of. All people make mistakes. Some mistakes are small and may even go unnoticed. Other mistakes are noticed by many. In this case, you made a mistake, a poor decision, a short sighted choice. Unfortunately your mistake effected many, many people. Not only is my family hurting, but so is yours. You have changed our lives forever. I can only pray your life is changed forever too. I hope you change your path, turn your life around and become the very best version of Shad there is.

Looking back at the last 362 days it all seems like a dream. A very bad dream. It has all passed so slowly, yet it seems to have flown by. All the days have one thing in common, they are missing my dad. He was a good man. He had a good heart and more love than you could even begin to imagine for his grandsons. I would give ANYTHING to have a dad hug, to hear his voice, to see his smile, or giggle at whatever silly accent he was talking to us in. He once told me the silliest thing and it made me laugh for at least 30 minutes. Still to this day it brings a smile to my face. My sons will not remember that man. They will never know silly ol' Papa. There are some things mothers do not want to and should not have to do. Sitting in the floor holding your crying 4 year old and trying to explain he can't go see his Papa is one of those things. But I had to do it. I answer questions about heaven, Jesus and why we can't just go for a visit. I don't feel like he should have to as these questions.

After a roller coaster of emotions, tears, anger, countless prayers and a few hundred miles on my treadmill, I have peace. I will always live with a sad place in my heart missing my dad, but I will be okay. My dad has missed huge milestones in my life over the last year. Luckily I had him for my wedding, both of my boys births, and 28 years. My siblings are not able to say that.

I hope you are remorseful, prayerful and ready to change. I pray for you and your family. I began praying for you on Saturday, December 12, 2009, and I will continue until I die. I hope you find hope, healing, and Jesus. I also hope you think of us everyday!

"For if you forgive men their trespasses your heavenly father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses neither will your father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

I forgive you. Not only because it is what I should do as a christian, but because I am sure you never set out to kill anyone.

Thanks"

I made it through the whole thing, only crying a time or two. Saying my words aloud to his face and seeing his reaction was amazing. I only wish I knew what he had to say back.

Guess What!

Today has been the most fabulous day! :) I got to sleep in a little bit, I got all the laundry done, played with my kids, cut all the guys hair, and had a quiet momma only trip to the mall where I got some AWESOME new lotion!!! All of this was great, but the best part of my day was ...

... Abram said his first real word! I was in the bedroom folding and putting away some laundry. I had the blinds pulled up so Abram could look out the window into the backyard. He kept tapping on the window making all his normal cute jibber jabber, I said "You want to go outside?" He smiled and kept playing like normal, then just a split second later he said "outside. Momma, momma. outside." I could not believe it! It was as plain as day! I just cannot believe how fast he is growing! What a sweet boy!!

A New Beginning

So there I was walking down the hall today. Checked my watch, 12:46, as I thought"In just a few minutes it becomes official!" As I neared the end of the hallway the P.E. teacher and Music teacher stood returning some little people to their teachers. They both asked "Do they know yet?!?!" "No, not yet." I replied, in the calmest voice I could. I completed the task I had set out to do and headed back down the hall to my room. Just as I was getting close I heard one of the 4th grade teachers say, "Hey the kids are on their way. Do you see the principal?". Again I replied, "No, not yet"... As we stood waiting in the door way of my room, the principal, the assistant principal, and myself, I was growing more and more nervous. Finally it was go time. The moment of truth. We walked in to the room and the principal announced, "We have a lot more 4th graders this year than we expected. I am sure you all have seen Mrs. Flynn around here settingup her room, observing in your classroom, or maybe just passing by in the hall. We came to tell you all we are opening another section of 4th grade! We are excited to tell you we are pulling students from this class and the class next door to make up the students in Mrs. Flynn's class." Chatter immediately filled the room. You could hear them asking each other if they knew, who they thought would be going, and if the new lady (me) looked mean. Mean I thought?! You guys have NO idea. We spent the better part of the afternoon getting to know one another, asking questions about how this was all going to go, and making little projects to hang on the walls. After it was all said and done I was SO RELIEVED!!!! God has blessed me with a fabulous group of kids, a wonderful campus, and most importantly a job! After everything that has been going on in my life, the unfortunate upcoming events, the loss of friends, and the stress of school, work, and a family, its about time I can say this ... I AM A TEACHER!

It was made possible by these two

I have to give a special thanks to my mom. She has been supportive through it all and is the most amazing woman who loves us all unconditionally. My sweet husband for putting up with me and all my "crazy" for the last 10 years. My, oh so fabulous, little sister for all her help with Barrett and my awesome classroom! Not to mention being a friend through thick and thin, and for being understanding (unfortunately because she is just as impacted as I am) over the last several months when many people have turned and run. My brothers for not being "too cool" to hang out with their much older sister at college. My in-laws for all they do and their support and prayers! All the friends I met at WT that are going through this same educator mess with me, just keep on keeping on! The end is near and its awesome.

I can only imagine how proud my dad would be of me today. I know he would be more than thrilled... I can hear it now, in his dad voice, Ash you know the one when he would hug you and talk soft so only you could hear. He always said the same thing "I love you sis". I'd give ANYTHING to have that hug right now.

Looks like I have more shout outs than the MTV Music Awards! lol :)

Thanks for reading!